I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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