He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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