No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
