When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize