Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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