What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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