whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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