First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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