I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
