I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm passing your future prison.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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