I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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