I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
