apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
