she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
