I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
