Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
