I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We need to feng shui this bitch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
