yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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