There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
