Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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