...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
