omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think people are normalizing furries
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize