I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
