dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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