Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
