The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
either way he was missing a nipple.
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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