i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
