break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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