Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
