some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
