when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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