I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Randomize
