i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
