6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
