and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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