Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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