Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
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i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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