Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
