Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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