how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm really busy with my period
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