There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
