Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
