I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A bitchslap is in order.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize