i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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