you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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