Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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