i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
