we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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