Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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