it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize