just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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