She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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