Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
