we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
