I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
