she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
