his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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