Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
