it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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