We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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