Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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