U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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