pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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