im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
