Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's paper in my vomit.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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