drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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