If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
