I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
