They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
