I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
