It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
