alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How does one acquire holy water?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
